Posts
Um, Ive stopped blogging here.
So, if you still visit here, you either didnt get the memo about where my new blog is, you havent bothered to change links (and Im sure Ive told all who I like visiting my blog where my new one is) or I didnt tell you.
Good bye vox!
"Think of all the women you know who will not allow themselves to be seen without makeup. I often wonder how they feel about themselves at night when they are climbing into bed with intimate partners. Are they overwhelmed with secret shame that someone sees them as they really are? Or do they sleep with rage that who they really are can be celebrated or cared for only in secret?"
-"Communion", bell hooks
Its scary how I can unconsciously put on makeup as I walk around getting ready, and how I always make one final check in the mirror to ensure my hair's not out of place, my eye makup isnt panda-ish, my lips are lined and my face is matte (or as matte as it can be, proactiv works people!).
When I look back at the time I was growing up with a beauty regime that consisted of Eskinol facial cleanser and lip glosses, with frizzy ponytailed hair, it makes me feel quizzical to be now addicted to straight hair and rebonding/flat irons, having current lipstick fave's such as Eva Longoria's 704 color by L'oreal and loving Clinique's dramatically different moisturizing gel and so on and so forth.
While I enjoy the luxury of some items, being brought up totally brand unconscious, sometimes that kid in me cringes when I look at my Gucci wallets or other branded things, and while Im getting used to it, and occasionally like the indulgence, a little part of me always feels...pretentious.
Part of me is torn with balancing my younger self's immaterialism (is that even a word that has the effect of what Im trying to say?) and yearn to be unmaterialistic. And yet, I like those pretty things. I feel media brainwashed at times and frustrated with myself and at other times, I question why it bothers me so much in the first place.
It could be because the cost of some of the things I buy, in total, could feed a small family in the Philippines for a week. Or that the bag I carry things in could be sold to pay for a child's tuition in other countries. That the skin care I purchase...
It comes from coming from a background that has seen relatives scrimping and saving just to be able to afford tuition for their kids, for their spending money, from a background of going with my mother to send money back to the Philippines to pay for a bill an in-law couldnt pay and asked her for help, for a sister's child's expenses, for a relative's spending money, for a niece's birthday, for her mother-in-law's operation...I've seen her calulate her BND or MYR or US dollars to PHP more times than I can count, and it always made my younger self blink as she tried to stretch her money to its every possibility and she would search for the best money exchange too to do so.
And then we'd go home and spend equal amounts on meaningless things like groceries and shoes I liked or a toy for my younger brother. Even then, it made me wonder how so many people back in the Philippines depended so desperately for an amount of money that my family would spend in a few days. Even then, it made me aware that while we sent money home, I had a very comfortable lifestyle, but my mother would never compromise that, and if I asked, she gave.
So subconsciously, I knew that if I asked for less things and bought cheaper brands, somehow I was helping too, because my mother would have more money to send home to her relatives when that time of the month came. When calls came for help with money, maybe if I didnt buy anything so expensive, she would have more to give.
Years have passed, and when I started earning my own money, thats when I allowed myself the luxury of purchasing the things I had always wanted to buy. Yet I didnt think about my mother's relatives, who, on my grandmother's deathbed, had my grandmother clinging to life tho being in desperate pain because she was worried upon her death, her other children, my mother's siblings, would be forsaken because she wasnt around to be a reminder of her more well off kids to send money home.
Its a Filipino culture. The entire Philippine economy is helped by the money sent home by the overseas contract workers, and my family was no exception.
I know its my turn now, because my mother is older now.My dad is retired now. I have a degree now, and Im expected to use it. Those relatives back home are still dependant on my mother. Even now. And its strange how I had always thought of them as my mother's relatives.
It took Good Friday,2007, for me to fully comprehend that they were my relatives too.
Happy Easter, all.
Remember that the only things we need sometimes
Are chilly nights and warmer thighs,
Cause there's nothing like being held
Sometimes
saves the day
When the cast of the Harry Potter films photoshoots came out, everyone was swooning about the Three, obviously, but me, being me, I said that the kid playing Neville Longbottom would turn out the hottest and suprise us all. Okay, he didnt really, and I was being very sarcastic at that point, but hey, he didnt grow up so bad.
And I spy Strongbow Cider!
Source: Google, Lj and me.
I wish that university came with a course in how to decide what you want to do careerwise and the steps on how to achieve that. We pay loads, they didnt even bother giving a seminar or a free pamphlet on these kind of things.
I have never gotten so much mail from Curtin in all my years of being there. I swear, its like they can't wait to cut ties from me. Not only do I now hold my graduation package,regalia hiring form and requisite phototaking ripoff shots, I also have my first ALUMNI NITE INVITATION.
Ahahaha, Im an alumni.
When you can't make sense of someone leaving, you sometimes try to make sense of what they left behind. And it makes it a whole lot easier when what they left you was beautiful.
-Georgia on Dead Like Me
Its easy for me to separate the people who care about me sincerely, matter of factly and without superficialty.
Theyre the ones who,when they found out Ive returned from Australia, know what I went through there, know my intentions to simply finish, despite it all, they go,"YAY! Youre back! How was Perth? How long will you be here, and what can we do, and OMGAD we have to do many many things!"
And the ones who dont, they see only the loss of supposed 'opportunity', question my return, question the worth of my degree and the expenses of me going over there, and question why why why I chose to leave Australia behind (at least for the now), they go,"Why are you back, and when are you going back to Australia?"
Guess which people I tell full details to?
*smirk*
Yay, greys anatomy download done.
You grow up the day you have your first real laugh—at yourself
-Ethel Barrymore (yes, a relation to Drew).
So, Jane Magazine asked some celebrities at the annual Sundance Film Festival what their crime was. A lot were hilarious, but my two faves had to be:
and
Source: Google and me
Mandy needs no introduction, made famous by her former pop days and *that* movie with Shane West. Sarah Polley was my fave little child actor back in the day, on The Road To Avonlea. Nice to see she grew up well, and is apparently on the indie circuit nowadays.
In other news, I had a haircut yesterday, and I was sincerely heartbroken at the result, because my hair, whilecertainly healthier, has become,dare I be ridiculous, bouncy. And short. And I dont do short or bouncy very well. Im meant to rock long and flat! FLAT! Not BOUNCY. *sighs*
In another worst case scenario, me of the prawns and seafood addiction? I ate some old/unfresh prawns, I believe, and woke up with an allergy reaction to them in the form of red patches on my skin. It couldnt have been pork or chicken, no, its seafood that caused it and am now annoyed.
So,am currently using Clinique, and was a little intrigued by a fellow bloggers advise to try homemade aspirin masks. Hmm.
And Amilyn, love, no, not all university students find it amusing to run around with buckets on their heads. I can safely say Ive never done such a thing :P
I tried explaining to Cody how light and free I felt.
'Course you do,' he said. 'You're banjoed out of your head on free Pina Coladas.' (It had become the holiday catchphrase.)
'You've given up on men,' he said. 'You can't do that.'
I tried to explain that I haven't given up, merely reshuffled my pirorities, but I didn't do a very good job of it, probably on account of being banjoed out of my head on free Pina Coladas.
But it didn't matter.
Happiness means not having to be understood.
- The Other Side Of The Story, Mariane Keyes
Todays mail yielded some interesting post. One of which was another job offer but the first of which taps into the IS side of my double major (which I neglected and didnt think about till this offer, as the jobs Ive been looking at and have been poking at me have all been fully accounting related),and one was a cheque from the Australian Tax Office, with my taxes returned. Yay. I earned a good amount of money working part time in accounting in Perth, and my taxes returned, converted to Malaysian Ringgit or Philippine Pesos, is a good amount of money. Its a nice windfall and I can buy myself a nice new phone and/or do some shopping or buy a holiday. I dunno. But yay, money.
My brother is a silly teenage boy. Watch the proof below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKCH09ItHmA
He is the last one, with a bucket on his head. Yes. Its hard believing we are related sometimes. But he's a lovable fool and I am tekilapopped.
The other day, in my mail, was also my official "YOU HAVE BEEN CONFERRED" letter from Curtin University, Aus. How nice. Its essentially the last award pic letter I scanned up for you all when I was boasting. :P er, showing. Except it now states what my major is (Accounting & Information Systems double major for any future employer and/or curious friends/people who dont pay attention and still believe I have completed a different major). Im too lazy to scan it up. :P
I also finally secured a place to graduate in Miri, Sarawak, Malaysia, this May 11.Background update, studying at Curtin means you can choose where you graduate, in ceremonies all over the world (well okay, Hong Kong, China, SIngapore, Malaysia, Perth or Sydney), probably to accomodate the vast number of international students, all at different times.
You get the same certificate no matter where (so I suppose thats where the money goes, to have an Australian Degree) you graduate, you can even choose to not have a ceremony, which is what I was half tempted to do, but my mom said she'd murder me calmly in my sleep if I chose that option.
It was hard deferring the graduation to there, stupid emailing of many people who said it 'wasnt possible' as since I finished in Perth, I was eligible for the Perth graduation, but I am stubborn, so well afterd email after email and calls here and there, I did it. Honestly prefer graduating with my batch and my classmates and friends I began with and supported to graduating with a mass of people in Perth who really dont give a flying duck about me. My parents didnt mind either graduation ceremony, the Perth or the Miri one, and said it was up to me. I wanted Miri. So yay that now I can.
I also want to show off to vast numbers of unbelievers that I am done and theyre not. That I didnt fail and have to shift courses, that I did spectacularly despite my haphazard study ways and my tendency to be an airhead and a danceholic and club enthusiast. That Im done. DONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAAMWAHAHAHAHHAHAA
*ahem*
I figure I can be a lazy ass till at least May 11. I dont really want to find full time work until then, but lets see when a)my parents get sick of my face mooching off them (nah, theyll just want me to do the asian thing and earn a living with my degree) or b) I get bored of being a lazy ass.
Being someone used to the adrenaline filled lifestyle, has it been hard not doing well,much of anything? Strangely, no.I keep thinking I have about 50 years of work ahead of me anyway, and this will be my final vacation till I get all career focused.
Plus, my mom and dad? Pretty darn awesome. I cant believe it took me 21 years to realise.
And randomness:
I lackphotoshopping skills/patience. I will probably do a proper picture post soon. As these photos? The photos are months old. Months. But I really miss the people in the photos with me.
Yet life. Well, life moves on.
Even at my busiest workaholicstudyholic(oh who am I kidding, I was never a studyholic)socialholic phases, I always made sure to keep a smidgen of Sunday mine. It was a nice lazy Sunday today, and I was holed up catching up on my Greys Anatomy (Iloveyougeorge!).
Today, however, I was very disgruntled with my dad. He says that I can burn water. I feel like Seth's mom on the OC.They fear when she sets foot into the kitchen, and unfortunately, after managing to burn ham on my first day back and overcooking the noodles, fear also gets into my familys eyes when I set foot in there.
Just because Im not a very good cook, DADDY, doesnt mean that it was very nice of you to ban me from the kitchen. -_-
[shortened because i felt it was too self pitying]
- President Dubya Bush on any subject at all
"Those who get tagged must post 6 weird things about themselves in their blog and state the rules clearly. At the end of the post, you must choose 6 other people to tag."
1) I am almost 90% deaf in my right ear, and my right eye's vision is almost -750, yet my left ear has perfect hearing and my left eye is only -100. In any case, growing up, I believed, like there were right handed and left handed people, there were also right eared and right eyed people. I only discovered this when I realised most of my friends could see/hear properly with either eye/ear and not be like me, having to ask people to whisper their secrets only in my left ear or squint an eye very hard in order to see something far away or read something.
2) I have extremely flexible/bendy joints. I can still do the splits, both sides. When Im on my stomach, myheels can reach my head. I can bend my pinkie and my thumb backwards until they reach my outer wrists. And I can do a lot of other weird things, which Ill demonstrate for you next we meet.I can also crack my back, my ankles, my toes, my fingers, my thumbs, my big toes, my wrists, my upper arm bones. Im a mobile entertainment section when conversation stills.
3) I have a bunch of weird hair obsessions. Growing up with ugly frizzy unrebonded hair means right now I must have rebonded hair and its only when my hair is straight that I feel like I can breathe. Otherwise I feel disgusting and unappealing and scary. I also have ths habit of looking at my split ends in public and nipping them off ot pulling the split end apart. I also cant stand seeing a solitary white hair on someones head and can rarely resist reaching out and pulling it off without warning. Lastly, I pull out the hair that grows on my big toes, little toes, fingers and thumbs. Not the others though. It gives me satisfaction to feel them being pulled out, and I can never breathe properly if I still see or feel the tiny hairs on them peeking out, and wont rest till they are out...I know. This alone brands me a freak of the highest calibre. :/
4) Ripping this off of beloved thegeekinpink.com, I am also smarter in writing than I am verbally. I can debate endless hours in writing, talk about almost anything in writing, move you to tears and make you think when Im writing. But when I speak or in person, I lose all coherence and I cant string words along properly and I even stutter when I feel pressured. Yet, ask me to write 2000 words on something and Id probably hand it back to you with ease. Im just smarter on keyboard and more eloquent than when I speak.
5) Im one of those annoying people who cant order things properly. You know. Like someone who'll order one thing then change her mind repeatedly until even the most polite waitress would want to grab the menu and smack her over the head with it. You know. "I want the lemon chicken with the fried rice and an egg on the side. No wait, change that to the seafood basket please. No wait, the salad looks better, what dressings on you have? Hang on, mousse!!! I want! Wait, on second thought, Im not that hungry, what cocktails do you serve, whats the bar menu like?" Yeah. Exactly. Im improving now though, even my friends said so! Now I just sit and pause dont speak until Im sure. Its hard, I tell ya.
6) To balance Sleep, Social Life and Studies during university, I decided I could live without sleep but not the two latters. So, over the course of the last four years, I have perfected the art of surviving on 3-5 hours of sleep a night, and collapsing for 20 hours on a free day about every two weeks. I used to hate sleep and think it was just a waste of time and what bored unfulfilled people did.This has helped me have a fulfilling social life and allowed me time to study as well. And is probably the cause of my current facial outbreak and has probably created a sleep debt which i will have to pay off for the next twenty years. Ta.
“The world is possibility if only you’d discover it.”
And so. After four years, I finally get this:
...........and I have no idea what I'm going to do with it.
But I know I'll figure it out along the way.
"To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to all of life's problems!"
-Homer Simpson
I really doubted that I'd one day quote Homer Simpson, but you know what, the discovery of a certain mix of strawberry daiquiri and sex on the beach literally got me close to orgasmic. Close, but not quite.
Yes, I have but simple yearns.
Life after completing my course (finally!) hasnt been so bad. Today, my biggest decision was deciding what color to paint my nails after a footspa and manicure. It beats worrying about paying bills, getting to and fro work/uni and what to cook/buy for a meal. Now, my mommy does all that for me, and Id be lying if I said I didnt quite enjoy being pampered again.
Hopefully not for too long. I know I need to find a job but for now...I must milk this "She's graduated!! Yay!" happiness and honeymoon period for what its worth and really just catch up on lots of sleep.
Once I had THAT PAPER which confirmed I was officially done with Curtin forever mwahaha-I mean, um, sadly, I resigned from my work at www.wawoman.com , which had been giving me ulcers and stress(pronounced by the volcano eruptions on my face!) though I do love the experience it offered me, and made my preparations to go home. I only really intended to stay in Australia till I completed my course, and I cant tell you how excited I was to go home. Im too family oriented and I dont think Im quite ready to make my home somewhere so far from my parents until Im very sure thats where I want to stay, and between you and me, Perth is awesome because of my routine and my friends and social life there, but I dont think I could ever really call it home. Yet, anyway.
I have this strange obsession with my hair being straight. It comes from years of growing up with ugly frizzy straw einstein like hair, you see. SO in any case, my hair is not naturally straight, its rebonded, yes? Well, I was in a cafe in perth the other week and this woman saw me and stopped me and told me my hair was beautiful and I was never to cut it, and I should trust her because she's old and she knows better than me. Of course, I was very flattered, and my head would have grown even bigger had she not picked up the nearest salt shaker and licked it. Killed my buzz, she did!
After two weeks of essentially saying goodbye to all the wonderful people and friends Ive made over in Perth, I arrived back in Kota Kinabalu last Friday, and due to a passport drama (I kinda sorta um, had it in a jeans pocket while clubbing and it kinda sorta got sweaty and it kinda sorta um, the sticker whee my photo was came off and the evil Australian airport people ACCUSED ME OF TERRORISM or of being illegal! WAH!), I had to go make a new passport in Brunei.
Of course, if any of you ever see my parents, the passport was WET by the RAIN, okay?
